100 WAYS TO BE ANNOYING

1. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, andinsist to others that you "like it that way".
2. Drum on every available surface.
3. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry foralt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
4. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
5. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
6. Ask 800 operators for dates.
7. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copy warningsand Simon Bates "Whenever you rent or buy a video..." bits
8. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
9. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
10. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Set alarms for random times.
13. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in publicconsisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
14. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
16. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, withthe volume properly adjusted.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
20. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
21. Tape pieces of "The Grumbleweeds" over climactic parts ofrental movies.
22. Wear your trousers backwards.
23. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat theircomplementary mints by the cash register.
24. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
25. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Mike Oldfield's"Tubular Bells one or two....or both".
26. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscapemode. (Please note: Dot Matrix printers only.)
27. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
28. only type in lowercase.
29. dont use any punctuation either
30. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute wholestreets.
31. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
32. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
33. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
34. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
35. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
36. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?""What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
37. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
38. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
39. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
40. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
41. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
42. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
43. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" untilphysically restrained.
44. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
45. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
46. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
47. Finish the 99 green bottles song.
48. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.
49. Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.
50. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
51. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of yourchin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
52. Drive fifty yards.
53. Name your dog "Dog".
54. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
55. Ask people what gender they are.
56. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
57. Lick the filling out of all the jammy Dodgers, and place the biscuit partsback in the tray.
58. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
59. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a"good one".
60. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious thatyou don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
61. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touchwith a can of Glade Air Freshener.
62. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains.
63. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
64. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
66. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
67. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of beingfirst in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
68. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see ifthey slow down.
69. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
70. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if peopleplay along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
71. Wear a LOT of cologne.
72. Ask to "interface" with someone.
73. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed isnecessary because of your "superior mental processing".
74. Sing along at the opera.
75. Mow your lawn with scissors.
76. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
77. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
78. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
79. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
80. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble theiranswers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychologicalprofiles".
81. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn'tcricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?
82. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
83. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
84. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
85. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producingawkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying moreany moment.
86. Never make eye contact.
87. Never break eye contact.
88. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over yourears.
89. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
90. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
91. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in an annoying John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.
92. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
93. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
94. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
95. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
96. Push the buttons at intersections that turn the lights red, but instead of walking across, point and laugh at the drivers that had to stop.
97. Mr. Nelson's personal favorite: Tell your band director you want to play drums.
98. Go into chat rooms and flood the screen.
99. when with your friends, turn the radio on the a station that you KNOW that they hate and make a great show of enjoying it.
100. Give dead flowers to everyone and claim that they were alive a minute ago.